Every time it is that time for a weigh in I suddenly feel like I am back in high school going back on my very first date .. Like the scale is that really hot guy that I pray likes me and at the end of the night gives me the kiss I had been daydreaming about .. Okay bad analogy but truth is, I am scared to death to get on that scale every week, it is my biggest fear.
I have to admit some truths here .. Over the last week I have NOT been a good girl, I have been unfocused and unmotivated. Cheats here and there have crept back into my life, and let me not mention the AMAZING festival food Sunday. By Sunday night I felt like the biggest failure, and yes we have all been there but I truly was down in the dumps. I couldn't believe I was so unfocused, so I peeled myself off the couch and decided to mow the lawn, (push mow), no help, just me and the sun and sweat..oh was there sweat. After I was done I really felt a little pep in my step so I went for a walk with the kids. I felt like myself again. Monday morning I was back at it. I have spent the last 3 days preparing for my weigh in, I have eaten very well, spent every free second in the gym and today I did it, I stepped on that horrible scale with MUCH to my surprise .. Another 1.5 lbs GONE this week. Far cry from my goal every week but it was something! I am that much closer to my goal and I know now I never want to get off track again ..
I also made the decision to join the 90 challenge with Body by Vi .. My dear friend is also on the challenge and doing very well, I will let you know my progress with that as soon as I start. If anyone has any comments about the program I want to hear them.
Total Weight Loss: 16.5 lbs
LBS to go: 53.5
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
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Wednesday, March 14, 2012
DREAM BIG!!!
For as long as I can remember I have always been the type of person who creates ideas in my head and somehow attempt to fulfill those thoughts out in my real life, some call it dreams, some call it aspirations, I just see them as wishes fulfilled. After the birth of my second child, I found myself on a mission to feel like myself again. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, but I am sure as most moms can relate after you have children you lose a little of your own identity because you get so wrapped up in being a wife, mother, employee or whatever. For me, that's exactly how I felt. I never understood why some people lose their wants and desires after they "settle down", somehow there has to be a way to seek out your wants while still balancing your life in the process. There has to be a middle ground between "work you", "wife you", and "mother you". And for me I am on that journey now.
I am not ashamed to admit that after both my children I gained a little weight. Okay for honesty sake here, I gained allot of weight. Over the last few years since college I have managed to pack on a alarming 150 lbs. Nope that's not a typo, that is a cold harsh truth. Last year I managed to lose over 80 lbs of that with what I call a small miracle product called Plexus Slim, I regained some of my health back but stayed with the extra 70 lbs. So it got me to thinking ... I need motivation, I need to do SOMETHING to get back the figure I once knew, yes this is about being healthy but for me (and some of you won't agree) I want to feel like ME again. Not the idea of what everyone thinks I should be, what I WANT. But I know how I am, I will diet and give up, I am really ADHD when it comes to diets and I am southern so passing up on some good food is too hard, but if I had a goal or something I know it will keep me on track. That is why I have decided to set my eye on the MRS. LOUISIANA AMERICA title! Yes you read that right, I want to be the next Mrs. Louisiana and I know with ALLOT of work, sweat and well lets be real here, TEARS, I can do it!
So last month I signed up for a gym membership and joined weight watchers..I also started Plexus Slim again to keep me on track. One month later I am 15 lbs lighter and 15 lbs to my goal! Now here is the tricky part, I need to win a prelim pageant before the state competition and I think I found one for me and its in July. So its time to get in gear, work harder than I have ever worked before and capture the crown. I want to show other moms out there that you can still be beautiful after having children, you can still "get your sexy back" and feel great covered in what questionably could be Cheetos and throw away the "mom jeans" .. 2012 is the year of the SEXY MOM/SEXY WOMAN! Whatever your sexy is I am challenging my readers to go out and get it! Doesn't matter if your a mom, single gal, divorcee, WHATEVER, I am on a mission to show that you can be any age and in any situation and feel BEAUTIFUL! So who's with me?!
Every week I will have post on my progress and I want to hear about how your getting your sexy back to! Leave comments, encourage each other, we are in this together! WE CAN DO IT! No matter if I capture the crown or not, I know I can at least try, so sit back and relax and enjoy this journey with me!
Who's with me?
I am not ashamed to admit that after both my children I gained a little weight. Okay for honesty sake here, I gained allot of weight. Over the last few years since college I have managed to pack on a alarming 150 lbs. Nope that's not a typo, that is a cold harsh truth. Last year I managed to lose over 80 lbs of that with what I call a small miracle product called Plexus Slim, I regained some of my health back but stayed with the extra 70 lbs. So it got me to thinking ... I need motivation, I need to do SOMETHING to get back the figure I once knew, yes this is about being healthy but for me (and some of you won't agree) I want to feel like ME again. Not the idea of what everyone thinks I should be, what I WANT. But I know how I am, I will diet and give up, I am really ADHD when it comes to diets and I am southern so passing up on some good food is too hard, but if I had a goal or something I know it will keep me on track. That is why I have decided to set my eye on the MRS. LOUISIANA AMERICA title! Yes you read that right, I want to be the next Mrs. Louisiana and I know with ALLOT of work, sweat and well lets be real here, TEARS, I can do it!
So last month I signed up for a gym membership and joined weight watchers..I also started Plexus Slim again to keep me on track. One month later I am 15 lbs lighter and 15 lbs to my goal! Now here is the tricky part, I need to win a prelim pageant before the state competition and I think I found one for me and its in July. So its time to get in gear, work harder than I have ever worked before and capture the crown. I want to show other moms out there that you can still be beautiful after having children, you can still "get your sexy back" and feel great covered in what questionably could be Cheetos and throw away the "mom jeans" .. 2012 is the year of the SEXY MOM/SEXY WOMAN! Whatever your sexy is I am challenging my readers to go out and get it! Doesn't matter if your a mom, single gal, divorcee, WHATEVER, I am on a mission to show that you can be any age and in any situation and feel BEAUTIFUL! So who's with me?!
Every week I will have post on my progress and I want to hear about how your getting your sexy back to! Leave comments, encourage each other, we are in this together! WE CAN DO IT! No matter if I capture the crown or not, I know I can at least try, so sit back and relax and enjoy this journey with me!
Who's with me?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Struggling ..
I have written and re-written this post at least a dozen times. Each time going over every line and every word to only hit delete. I have had these same thoughts in my head for a while now, trying to calm the noise that just eats me up inside. Most of you that follow my blog know that I semi-stalk my all time favorite blogger Jenny Lawson of "The Blogess". A few days ago, she wrote this amazingly open and so very honest post about her battle with depression and self harm you can read all about it here. Then yesterday she posted some pretty inspiring messages that she got back from her post and how much it helped people struggling just like her, from a mother who's twins committed suicide from depression and another from a reader that was thinking of suicide but is choosing to get help instead. I have read those posts and comments hundreds of times.
Her posts brought me back to a place that I hate to go to, like most of you that read my blog are aware that my mother passed away last year. You can read about that here and here. Since that day I have not been the same, everything about her death changed me, it changed how I look at the world, how I interact with people down to my happiness, her death and the guilt from her death has literally sucked the life out of me. My mother's depression for many years consumed her life to the point that she drank enough to fill a bar room to cope. Her emotions and her demons took over, and she never asked for help and help was forced on her so much that she rejected it, until it finally took her life. My mother's last years changed her, her drinking literally became a every day all day thing until it killed her. It is no secret that I stayed away from her. Instead of just being there I chose to let my own anger about it push me away. I did not want to deal with the drama and the fighting, I did not want to have my kids around it, and to be honest she scared the crap out of me. So I ran away from her.
The last few years I only talked to my mother on the phone, saw her time to time, and I have beaten myself up every single day since about that. I hated her for what she became and I hate her now for dying. I've never said that out loud before. I never could understand why she just couldn't snap out of it, that is until I read Jenny's blog. People really don't talk about what depression is or how it can swallow you whole. I am one of those people. I never once put myself in my mother's shoes. I never once just tried to talk to her without getting angry, I was just always angry. My parents divorced when I was two years old. Both remarried shortly after. My mother, she drank socially and some nights until that became a every day habit. My mother didn't think she had a problem. For many years I have stayed angry with both my parents for a long list of reasons, it wasn't until I actually became a mother that I realized how imperfect parents can be and that is really okay.
But still I feel cheated and still I feel anger and I am not quite sure exactly yet how to deal with it. When my mom died everything about me that I loved died with her. I know that sounds strange and it is hard to put into words to help people understand. I feel so disconnected with almost everything now. Things I loved before I really could careless about, I am not as happy as I use to be and I really stopped trusting people in general. Some might say I am depressed and I would agree on some level, but the truth is I can not stop being so damn mad to let myself be happy right now. The day my mother's coffin closed it was like a loud metal door shut inside me. Following her death my family separated, words were exchanged that never should be said, things were done by people I thought I trusted that should never be done. I closed the door to what I thought was "family" and I haven't looked back since.
I wish I could describe the feeling you have when a parent dies. You feel like half of you is gone, like your never quite whole again. It is a sad feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. I fully realize that I am the only one that can control how I feel but the truth is I want to be angry right now. I feel like if I don't go through this part of the process I will never be happy again. I am okay with crying and I am really okay with shutting out most of the world. I am very lucky to have people that are willing to love me through this. I have a close group of people that love me on the good and bad days. They see past so much of me, they can see the light for me through this very dark tunnel and are willing to be there no matter what and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful that I have kids that love me despite me not being a perfect parent and hopefully see past them when they are older. I know that one day I will have to deal with how I feel and I feel like this is the first step for me in a very long road. I am so glad I am able to finally just lay it all out there for the world to see on a small level, people are silently hurting and sometimes in the case of my mother doing things to show they are hurting inside. Be there for those people. Don't run away because of anger or fear. Just because someone is going through "stuff" doesn't make them unworthy of love and support, I know I made that mistake and I can never correct it. Today I am showing my support for people like Jenny and my late mother and all those suffering with "stuff."
I am posting this silver ribbon in support .. I also purchased this button from Jenny's zazzle store. All proceeds from the sale will go to The Traveling Red Dress Project (A project designed to celebrate women in their strongest and weakest moments) .. you can purchase one too by clicking here.
Stay Strong .. You are worth it.
Her posts brought me back to a place that I hate to go to, like most of you that read my blog are aware that my mother passed away last year. You can read about that here and here. Since that day I have not been the same, everything about her death changed me, it changed how I look at the world, how I interact with people down to my happiness, her death and the guilt from her death has literally sucked the life out of me. My mother's depression for many years consumed her life to the point that she drank enough to fill a bar room to cope. Her emotions and her demons took over, and she never asked for help and help was forced on her so much that she rejected it, until it finally took her life. My mother's last years changed her, her drinking literally became a every day all day thing until it killed her. It is no secret that I stayed away from her. Instead of just being there I chose to let my own anger about it push me away. I did not want to deal with the drama and the fighting, I did not want to have my kids around it, and to be honest she scared the crap out of me. So I ran away from her.
The last few years I only talked to my mother on the phone, saw her time to time, and I have beaten myself up every single day since about that. I hated her for what she became and I hate her now for dying. I've never said that out loud before. I never could understand why she just couldn't snap out of it, that is until I read Jenny's blog. People really don't talk about what depression is or how it can swallow you whole. I am one of those people. I never once put myself in my mother's shoes. I never once just tried to talk to her without getting angry, I was just always angry. My parents divorced when I was two years old. Both remarried shortly after. My mother, she drank socially and some nights until that became a every day habit. My mother didn't think she had a problem. For many years I have stayed angry with both my parents for a long list of reasons, it wasn't until I actually became a mother that I realized how imperfect parents can be and that is really okay.
But still I feel cheated and still I feel anger and I am not quite sure exactly yet how to deal with it. When my mom died everything about me that I loved died with her. I know that sounds strange and it is hard to put into words to help people understand. I feel so disconnected with almost everything now. Things I loved before I really could careless about, I am not as happy as I use to be and I really stopped trusting people in general. Some might say I am depressed and I would agree on some level, but the truth is I can not stop being so damn mad to let myself be happy right now. The day my mother's coffin closed it was like a loud metal door shut inside me. Following her death my family separated, words were exchanged that never should be said, things were done by people I thought I trusted that should never be done. I closed the door to what I thought was "family" and I haven't looked back since.
I wish I could describe the feeling you have when a parent dies. You feel like half of you is gone, like your never quite whole again. It is a sad feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. I fully realize that I am the only one that can control how I feel but the truth is I want to be angry right now. I feel like if I don't go through this part of the process I will never be happy again. I am okay with crying and I am really okay with shutting out most of the world. I am very lucky to have people that are willing to love me through this. I have a close group of people that love me on the good and bad days. They see past so much of me, they can see the light for me through this very dark tunnel and are willing to be there no matter what and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful that I have kids that love me despite me not being a perfect parent and hopefully see past them when they are older. I know that one day I will have to deal with how I feel and I feel like this is the first step for me in a very long road. I am so glad I am able to finally just lay it all out there for the world to see on a small level, people are silently hurting and sometimes in the case of my mother doing things to show they are hurting inside. Be there for those people. Don't run away because of anger or fear. Just because someone is going through "stuff" doesn't make them unworthy of love and support, I know I made that mistake and I can never correct it. Today I am showing my support for people like Jenny and my late mother and all those suffering with "stuff."
I am posting this silver ribbon in support .. I also purchased this button from Jenny's zazzle store. All proceeds from the sale will go to The Traveling Red Dress Project (A project designed to celebrate women in their strongest and weakest moments) .. you can purchase one too by clicking here.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Well it's 2012 ..
Happy New Year to all my DIVA readers!! I hope that your New Year holiday was a great one!! I wish that I could say I partied like it was 1999 but alas being a mommy of two now I basically rang in the New Year on the couch while watching Dick Clark's Rocking Eve .. ( I should point out that I thought he was dead until I saw him on TV) and chatted with my very best friends (doing the same things as me) till midnight, kissed the kids, cursed the neighbors kids for continuing to shoot off fireworks till 12:30 am and fell asleep. Iamarockstar. Oh yes, this was the most fun I have had since birth ladies and gentlemen, be jealous.
2011 like 2010 really wasn't a great year for me. I have had to deal with allot of change over the last year and also deal with too many family deaths again. So basically 2011 you can kiss my ass. 2012 you will be my bitch this year! Not all of 2011 was bad I guess, I became really close to 5 women that are now like my sisters, I gained some much needed independence, started a new business, all in all I would give 2011 3 out of 10 stars.
With a new year comes new resolutions that you will never stick to. I went back one year to look at my 2011 resolutions and you can find that post here.
Let's see what I actually stuck to .. This is probably going to be quick since I have the willpower of a crack head.
My 2011 New Year's Resolutions:
1. Be at my goal weight by mini diva's 3rd birthday(JUNE).
*Well this I am kinda proud of, while I didn't make the entire goal, I dropped over 80 pounds and I really do plan on losing the rest by her 4th birthday. So points and snaps for me!
2. Read a new book a month.
*Well I bought several books to read. Does that count?
3. Get back to blogging.
*I would say I kinda did this!
4. Pick up a new hobby and stick with it.
*Did I mention I have a short attention span, like a 5 year old with severe ADHD.
5. Learn to cook.
*Still popping those TV dinners in the oven!
6. be a "martha mom"
*Why the f**k did I even write this, I made myself laugh!
7. Back to church EVERY Sunday.
*Thank god Jesus still loves me!
8. Seek peace with my moms passing. Get her final wishes sought out.
*This is going to be a bigger task than I realized.
9. Dinners AT the table.
*NEXT!
10. No TV/Cell phones and just family days.
*This is going on the 2012 list.
11. Get mini diva potty trained!
*DING DING DING we have a winner!
So basically I completed or half way completed 3 out of the 11! Not bad! Okay so that is bad but hey I am a work in progress! I am still working on my 2012 list of crap I might not do so stayed tuned for that one, I am sure you will get a kick out of it.
Did you complete your New Year's Resolutions? I need inspiration people!
2011 like 2010 really wasn't a great year for me. I have had to deal with allot of change over the last year and also deal with too many family deaths again. So basically 2011 you can kiss my ass. 2012 you will be my bitch this year! Not all of 2011 was bad I guess, I became really close to 5 women that are now like my sisters, I gained some much needed independence, started a new business, all in all I would give 2011 3 out of 10 stars.
With a new year comes new resolutions that you will never stick to. I went back one year to look at my 2011 resolutions and you can find that post here.
Let's see what I actually stuck to .. This is probably going to be quick since I have the willpower of a crack head.
My 2011 New Year's Resolutions:
1. Be at my goal weight by mini diva's 3rd birthday(JUNE).
*Well this I am kinda proud of, while I didn't make the entire goal, I dropped over 80 pounds and I really do plan on losing the rest by her 4th birthday. So points and snaps for me!
2. Read a new book a month.
*Well I bought several books to read. Does that count?
3. Get back to blogging.
*I would say I kinda did this!
4. Pick up a new hobby and stick with it.
*Did I mention I have a short attention span, like a 5 year old with severe ADHD.
5. Learn to cook.
*Still popping those TV dinners in the oven!
6. be a "martha mom"
*Why the f**k did I even write this, I made myself laugh!
7. Back to church EVERY Sunday.
*Thank god Jesus still loves me!
8. Seek peace with my moms passing. Get her final wishes sought out.
*This is going to be a bigger task than I realized.
9. Dinners AT the table.
*NEXT!
10. No TV/Cell phones and just family days.
*This is going on the 2012 list.
11. Get mini diva potty trained!
*DING DING DING we have a winner!
So basically I completed or half way completed 3 out of the 11! Not bad! Okay so that is bad but hey I am a work in progress! I am still working on my 2012 list of crap I might not do so stayed tuned for that one, I am sure you will get a kick out of it.
Did you complete your New Year's Resolutions? I need inspiration people!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Meanwhile on Pinterest ..
So basically I am a crack whore for Pinterest lately .. and the more I pin the more I am learning that this world is basically as funny if not, funnier than I am. I also have learned allot from Pinterest as well .. Here are this weeks lessons from my cracked addicted website. Your Welcome.
You know you agree with almost everything written here.
***
Not kidding, I know I should do a warm and fuzzy Christmas card with cute pictures of my kids, but this is so much better, and well the young version of me. Look for it in your mailbox soon friends. Merry Christmas!
***
Most annoying trend on the Internet. Please stop with the mustache thing already. Seriously. Stop it.
***
Ahh .. Now I know how "almost drunk" I can get this year! Who ever made this, thank you, last year's party was a nightmare and I am pretty sure that's why Bob in accounting won't look me in the eye anymore. Seriously, it was one kiss, you think he would be over it by now.
***
Follow me on Pinterest!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Since it's the holidays ...
I have this small addiction to Target, and by small addiction I mean that I have this crazy need to go there, every. single. day. I have this idea that it is the Disneyland of stores, because it is magic. Great now that you think I am slightly insane I will get to the point of this blog .. shall we?
Yesterday while on my daily trip I was walking around trying to get in the mood to shop for crap I really don't need, when I saw these two women approaching each other .. They did the typical "HEYYYYYYY!! So great to see you!" (Can you hear the high pitched voice, good) One woman proceeds to look the other up and down and in the most sarcastic and so snarky tone (god I love this woman already) says "Oh my you look amazing, have you lost weight?" and hugs this woman and wait for it ROLLS HER EYES. (Told you I loved her). The other woman not knowing what a fake b*tch this woman really is begins telling her how she had no idea she lost weight and blah blah blah .. I stood there like a crazed stalker, I am sure mouth wide opened at what I just witnessed for myself, I mean we all experience it or do it ourselves as women, I like to call it, being a fake b*tch. We all have those people in our lives that we love to hate for whatever reason. I have a few people that I know that if I saw them in a store, on the street or walking to the pearly gates in heaven I will rather cut my own kidneys out than talk to them but when they somehow find me dodging them I can't help but give a back handed compliment and pretend I care about what is going on in their life, I can't help it, more often than not I too, am that fake b*tch. But to watch it happen to someone else was just amazing. I didn't know if I wanted to high five the snarky one or hug the other, hell for all I know they are long time rivals waiting for the day to stab each other with spoons, but either way I was fascinated.
Sometimes as women we are beautiful creatures .. loving and cuddly and all that other crap, and sometimes we are just mean, snarky, snobby, fake b*tches and I love us for that. Sometimes you just gatta let your b*tch flag fly baby. We are ALL guilty. Even you Mother Superior, even you.
Enjoy ..
Your welcome.
Yesterday while on my daily trip I was walking around trying to get in the mood to shop for crap I really don't need, when I saw these two women approaching each other .. They did the typical "HEYYYYYYY!! So great to see you!" (Can you hear the high pitched voice, good) One woman proceeds to look the other up and down and in the most sarcastic and so snarky tone (god I love this woman already) says "Oh my you look amazing, have you lost weight?" and hugs this woman and wait for it ROLLS HER EYES. (Told you I loved her). The other woman not knowing what a fake b*tch this woman really is begins telling her how she had no idea she lost weight and blah blah blah .. I stood there like a crazed stalker, I am sure mouth wide opened at what I just witnessed for myself, I mean we all experience it or do it ourselves as women, I like to call it, being a fake b*tch. We all have those people in our lives that we love to hate for whatever reason. I have a few people that I know that if I saw them in a store, on the street or walking to the pearly gates in heaven I will rather cut my own kidneys out than talk to them but when they somehow find me dodging them I can't help but give a back handed compliment and pretend I care about what is going on in their life, I can't help it, more often than not I too, am that fake b*tch. But to watch it happen to someone else was just amazing. I didn't know if I wanted to high five the snarky one or hug the other, hell for all I know they are long time rivals waiting for the day to stab each other with spoons, but either way I was fascinated.
Sometimes as women we are beautiful creatures .. loving and cuddly and all that other crap, and sometimes we are just mean, snarky, snobby, fake b*tches and I love us for that. Sometimes you just gatta let your b*tch flag fly baby. We are ALL guilty. Even you Mother Superior, even you.
Enjoy ..
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