Follow Friday - Guest Poster - Jill Hickey

Well it is FOLLOW FRIDAY here at Diva Mom and you know what that means?? GUEST BLOGGER!!!

I am such a HUGE fan of today's poster, Jill Hickey aka Notsosoccermom, her site not only entertains but also she helps me realize that I am not the only mother out there trying  to conquer the world while being the best dang mom on earth! Make sure you check her out at any of the social media sites she has or better yet visit her website and find out why I just lover her so much, click here.

Now what we have been waiting for .. take it away Jill!
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“Bullying in the ‘Burbs”



‘Amazing’ is over-used. ‘Social media’ really means what? “It is what it is” is a silly phrase. “At the end of a day” needs to remain a song from Les Miz, not a filler in conversation.

We, (I do it too!) verbally vomit all over each other.

Last year at this time, two moms came to the door and informed me their respective daughters had been bullied by my two daughters on the bus. As the conversation unfolded they claimed someone threw a shoe (are we back in the Bush era?), pictures were taken on a phone & a Who Gets to Sit By Whom thing happened. I listened.


At one point, one of their lip curls up and she announces “if someone else puts a picture of my kid on the internet, all bets are off..”


She said. She said.


We’ve all been in Jr. High.


Later, I get a terse email to further explain how Right they were and how Wrong my offspring was….and to instruct me not to perpetuate this conversation in the ‘social media because nothing good could come of it.’


Something has. I’m a better parent. I jumped my kids’ butts’ to interrogate them on these incidents. They were not 100% free of blame, but it was not the level that was portrayed on my doorstep. I called the school to be proactive and let the guidance counselors know. Turns out those other two moms have them on speed dial….And her kid is in someone else’s profile pic on Facebook,… although the kids is not allowed to have her own page.


Words & phrases are overused. But ‘ya know what’, ‘at the end of the day’, I realized with ‘friends like these, who needs enemies’ & that ‘you catch more flies with honey’. Catch ya around the ‘social media’, ladies. I’ll be the one on the ‘high road.’


Bullying really happens. Don’t’ belittle bullying by overusing it in pre-teen/ teenage girl This Happens Every Day situations. And don’t bully me on my front porch.

_ Jill Hickey is 17 year wife of Jerry,  mom of Maggie, Allie Grace & Samantha age 13,12, 9 and Patrick, 2.   She writes the site NotSoSoccerMom.com and hosts the radio talkshows NotSoSoccerMom  (1pmEST Tuesdays at 1pmEST on Toginet.com online radio) & Get Your Buzzz On (10amEST Fridays). 

FRESH AS A DAISY!

Well it has taken some time, but the new site is up and running! Take a DEEP breath and you can still smell the new car smell ... ahh it is like Christmas morning right!

I am so excited about the new look and design of the blog and I am even more excited that we are now a .com site! I did not know where I wanted to go with this blog when I first started, I still go back and read some of my posts with the crazy misspelled words and bad punctuation and laugh. Check out the first post here. I never guessed that I would be getting over a 1,000 hits every month, I did not expect famous people to link my blog to their twitter accounts or ever get the chance to speak to other bloggers I look up to. Over the years so much has happened, we have celebrated together, welcomed new life, and morned the loss of my mother, and I can not thank you enough for sticking with me through all of it.

So welcome new readers, subscribers and diva faithfuls. Here is to many more diary entries to come!

PS

A big THANK YOU goes out to Amber at Zany Dezines for the AMAZING new look! Check the out at:  http://zanydezines.com/  and tell them the DIVA sent you!

Welcome Becky!

Dear Diary,

While I understand it is very important to teach my kids about responsibility is teaching that lesson with a pet really necessary? Well according to their dear father it is. My husband has the brilliant idea to get the little diva a pet, and with our son's health issues no four legged animal is allowed in our home so he came up with a fish instead. So he went out and bought 1 -  Toddler mini splash bucket Mini Fish Tank 1- Set of fish rocks for her to dig out for looks, and 1 - Fish Tree and to top it off 1 - Red Beta Fish.

My husband was so proud, he set everything up in her room (much to my disagreement) and explained to mini diva how this was her pet, now her responsibility. Now, when I was 3 I did not understand the following things: rules, adults and fish, and it looks like my daughter is following in my footsteps. So here is one week with Becky the fish

Day One: Stares at the fish for about 24 hours

Day Two: Her and her friend think it would be fun to try to catch the fish.

Day 3: Thinks the fish needs "accessories" like her rubber band, mirror and lip gloss in the tank.

Day 4: Water is so dirty you can't see inside

Day 5: I think the fish is in shock

Day 6: Mini Diva is crying because "Becky" refuses to swim

Day 7: Husband changes water for Becky, forgets to have it at room temp

Day 8: Becky bubbles up to fish heaven.

Day 9: Mommy says no more pets.

Day 13:  Mini diva won't stop talking about how "Becky is dead"

Day 15: Mini diva cries for new Becky.

Day 15 1/2: This diva is sick of the crying and decides to try one more time with a fish.

So we arrive at the pet store, we walk around and mini diva is having a ball looking at all the animals inside the store. She asks for a parrot I simply tell her: "No." she responds: (Enter screaming voice) "But I wants a bird mommmmyyyyyy!!" I respond with "Birds eat children, why do you think there are so many birds here, do you really want to be eaten by a bird?" Her response: "Even outside birds that fly over the house?" My response: "No that's Jesus pets, they love kids, because they don't have to go in cages." Her response: "Okay I will just get a fish." I am going to hate the day she realizes mostly everything I tell her is a lie.

So we wander around going from fish tank to fish tank looking at all types of fish, I give her the choice to have any fish she wants, so she picks a turtle. I told her that she was close, but turtles like birds eat kids, so we move on. She finally turns the corner and there they were, the beta fish. Cheap little wonderful fish that are suppose to be low-maintenance (Have they tested that on 3 year old levels?) She screams out "Becky there you are! You not dead! Mommy Becky not dead!" Well keeping up with my level of lying, I tell her that indeed that is Becky and somehow she swam back to the pet store, and we purchase Becky.

Now Becky II is beck at home and swimming great in the tank that is no longer taken residence in her room, but in the kitchen where random objects can stay out and 3 year old little hands can't wash themselves in fish water. So welcome Becky II .. May your life be longer than your twin. In the meantime enjoy some pics of the day:

Looking at the "deadly" birds.

Looking at the "deadly" turtles.

"That's not Becky mom!"

Can I have a cat?

Well hello Becky! (Becky II)

Calling Dancing With the Stars!

Since my daughter was born (now 3 going on 21) she has been completely unable to sit still. At the tender age of 6 months that little diva decided that crawling just wasn't for her and walked on her own, unassisted and has been non stop ever since. Addi is completely random and full of life (wonder where she gets that from??) she makes my world a much better place. With that all said she has a love for dancing and while she is 100% a white girl trying to dance she is the cutest thing doing it .. Check her out at a year and half old with her bad self dancing to some dance beats (don't judge my music, in my heart I still live in the year 2000 and I am 18 again .. k .. thanks!)

So last night it came at no surprise that I caught her in my bathroom with headphones on rocking out to "Dude look like a lady" (girl's got taste) on her ipod. (Don't judge her white girl dancing skills) I don't know what I think is cuter, her dancing in her underwear (channeling Tom Cruise much?) or that towards the end in her oh-so serious voice yells out "Let's Do This!" (I don't think she understands that's a statement meant for the pre-dance but whatever).
Check out her shaking that thang! I'm so proud ..

Disclaimer: My bathroom is messy .. so no comments on that thankyouverymuch.

Now Enjoy ..

Now doesn't this make your day better .. Your welcome.

*Don;t forget to comment below! :)

Gay Polygamy .. It will change the world.

Before I start this post, let me give a quick disclaimer. I have had maybe 15 hours of sleep in 7 days total, add to that a very long but fun tailgate for the LSU football game on Saturday makes for a still drunk tired me. My brain is not working at full function so this whole post in theory sounds amazing to me right now, so enjoy.

So my husband's job takes him away from home more than I care to say I like. Basically I am a single mom which is challenging considering I work full time and I am trying to juggle 3 business's on my own as well. At the end of the day it would be nice to just have a man around the house to keep me company, but there's that whole hang out with other guys and they try to sleep with you thing. So as I was watching my new favorite show call the A-List (think Real Housewives with ALLOT more sass and hot gay men) it got me to thinking on how to help my situation. Get ready for it: I AM GOING TO MARRY A GAY MAN. Now I know what you thinking: "But your married!" and yes you would be correct but here comes part two of my all time most incredible idea: I AM GOING TO BECOME A POLYGAMIST but minus that whole I am going to be someones 100th wife while wife 99 is 13 thing. That's right boys and girls, I am going to be a gay marrying polygamist.  And before you get your panties in a wad and go all church on me hear me out: 

Fix problem #1: Since building my house 3 years ago, I have yet to find time to decorate. I can't exactly ask my husband to do that, so gay husband can do it! There is no man with better taste than a gay man.

Fix problem #2: I tend to be a emotional mess, my husband desperately tries to help me but almost always says the wrong thing, gay husband steps in tells me "Bitch get off your ass throw some heels on and lets dance!" emotional problems fix, wife is happy again.

Fix Problem #3: Now this is where I might have to marry a drag queen (but so worth it), all my hair and makeup issues before work/going out with the girls/going shopping are solved. I am looking great which means happier me, and we all know happier girls are the prettiest girls (Audrey Hepburn said it so it has to be true).

Fix Problem #4: Gay husband is around to help out around the house and keep me company while I am lonely when straight husband is out of town, I see allot of great romantic comedies in my future.. BONUS!

Fix Problem #5: I never have to  worry about making both men jealous when I see other one or I never have to worry about getting upset when gay husband is off with his life partner or daily boy toy.

Fix Problem #6: No one is better than telling you that you look awful in plaid or your ass looks fat in those jeans than your gay husband. Your straight husband tells you that and he would be killed.

Fix Problem #7: Most gay men I know are hot. Enough said. 

See, there are so many reasons that I need to be a gay marrying polygamist. Yeah I am sure not every gay man is this way (that would be a stero type and well I almost never use those) but I am almost sure that like the perfect soul mate, I will find my perfect gay mate. He's out there somewhere styling, decorating and using the term bitch in all the right ways. Some day my gay prince will come and I am here waiting, in fabulous jeans and 6 inch high heels and he is too. Oh where is he?? 

Wait .. I think I found him on Youtube .. 

Everyone Hates Me .. No Really.

   You would think now that I am almost 30 years old I would have left the days of petty drama, school aged bullying and vicious gossip. However, I am in pageants so basically that is apart of my everyday life. Recently, well like yesterday, my friends and I have been the subject of vicious attacks by some not so nice people. I thought by reaching out to one of those people to stop the drama it only lead to her calling me a "B**ch" and saying things like "Everyone Hates You". See, if I was not more secure in who I was I might let that get to me, but I have overcome a lot of things in my life, some bad and others really damn bad, that petty things people say don't really bother me anymore. (Small people say big things and that's just how life is). But all of this got me to thinking, as parents we teach our children about bullying and how to handle in and outside of school, but what do you do when your an adult, how do you handle adults bullies? So turning to the wise Jenny Lawson of "The Bloggess" she writes this hilarious column for The Stir by Cafe Mom, and she wrote an article titled "Bullies". She really made some funny points but she did hit home with a lot of what she said. Instead of sitting here and venting about how bitchy and rude people can be at times, I mean who doesn't have to deal with small people on a daily basis, I wanted to go further into things that people should hate more than me. I mean if people indeed really hated me, and by everyone I mean everyone, I figured I would come up with a list of things you might hate more than me, and in turn you realize I am not so bad and love me again. (Won't you love me again .. come on .. you love me .. say it.)

1. Backseat drivers. Those people will drive you batshit crazy.

2. The elephant exhibit at the zoo. Have you smelled what the hell is going on at that section of the zoo,  for the love of god someone spray some air freshener, that's enough to ruin your whole day.

3. People who walk slow while grocery shopping and take up the entire isle while doing it. Those people suck. I just want to get my cream corn and leave and now because of you I have been in here for 45 minutes and now my kid is crying, thanks you now have ruined my day and now my baby hates you.

4. People who use the word "beautician". Seriously this is not 1972, they are called stylist.

5. Corn.

6. The voice for the emergency alert system. Second thought, don't hate on that, I am pretty sure that guy is the devil and his voice makes me think he could do really bad things to people who hate on him.

7. Chuck Norris.

8. People who use the 10 items or less lane, and clearly have 11 items. There are rules for a reason people.

9. Harold Camping. Because of him I have no damn idea when the world is going to end now. Thanksalot.

10. Amber from Teen Mom. Wait never mind, she makes me and you look like a world class parents, so scratch that.

11. People who call themselves plastic. Those girls are most likely bitches anyway. (inside joke) :)

See, there are so many other things to hate on in this world than me, so why don't we just go with those and go back to loving me again, okay? Truth is, there are people who will love and accept you for you. There will always be people who try to crush your dreams, criticize your blog and tell you your dog is ugly but those people just do not matter. Keep being true to who you are, let your freak flag fly because at the end of the day life is too short for the small people; there is too much beauty all around you to focus on the ugliness.

And as Jenny Lawson says:
“Everyone is special and unique and wonderful. Except for the assholes. They’re just assholes. Don’t become one of them or I will disown you.”

Be Kind. Be Beautiful. Be You.

I speak sarcasm thankyouverymuch.

I figured it's been a while, well never, since I posted a ABOUT ME blog. And since today is Friday and my favorite subject is me anyway I said why the hell not. So sit back, relax, and promise not to stage any kind of intervention after reading this .. k?

1. My name is Kimberly and that is about all your going to get. (Ha Ha identity thieves, you won't get me THIS time!)

2. I am 29 years old and in a few months I will be 30. I am excited about 30 actually, and according to a poll I just made up for CNN, 30 is the new 16 which makes my husband a criminal.

3. I am loud and extremely outgoing, which according to my therapist makes me painfully insecure, so I fired him. I don't need someone else  pointing out my flaws I have sisters for that thankyouverymuch.

4. I have two kids, I am pretty sure by the time they are able to fully understand what real moms should be like, they will probably think Jesus played a big joke on them or they won some kind of crap lottery. But I am okay with that because they are stuck with me anyway.

5. I have 3 jobs. I work full time at a regular 9-5, I sell Plexus Slim and a amaze-balls skincare line called Rodan and Fields. I talk about it allot so get ready to be skinny and look beautiful! (They pay me to say that)

6. I am a middle child. Please see #3 about and hence why I need a shrink. My family thinks I am funny as hell but I am pretty sure if I went missing, there wouldn't be any major searching going on from any of them either, now that's real love.

7. I hate racist and bigots. Seriously who loves those people anyway. I am a proud gay and lesbian supporter, and I love black people, yes it's okay to say black people Kayne West made that cool again. And I pretty much think there is a gay man living inside me, and yes he is a drag queen. So for anyone who thinks god hates gays, well your wrong, god hates people who thinks he hates gays, oh and also people who wear fanny packs on a daily basis.  Besides doesn't Heaven sound allot more fun if there was one giant gay pride parade rolling down those streets of gold?

8. I am a pageant girl, stop judging me or if you judge me make sure I get all 10's k?.

9.  I have a large group of best friends. They are all so different in many ways and are all like family to me, and I have no doubts that if I did go missing they would be the ones to look for me, or know me well enough to follow the trail of wine bottles I would leave behind.

10. My "other sisters" are called the "plastics". Now before you get all crazy thinking we named ourselves after some bitchy ass girls off the Mean Girls movie, you would be wrong. Some bigger bitch did that for us and we just embraced it. Since the invention of private chat apps we have pretty much talk every single second of the day, literally. I am also sure that if anyone stole our phones and read our messages to each other we would all be prime candidates for a major intervention. Think this is a joke, well here is a tiny taste of a conversation we had yesterday, names have been changed to protect the guilty innocent.

Jane #4 - Hey is that skin stuff going to make me white like Micheal Jackson?


Jane #3 - No it won't and stop trying to fulfill your dreams of being Caucasian.


Jane #1 - Hey Jane #2 Dr. **** said your doctor is full of shit about those meds, he said what your taking now is like taking Benadryl


Jane #2 - So is that why I like taking 50 at one time?

Then there was talk about anal ease and it's way too early for that.  ... plus I am not 100% sure any of us were drunk during that conversation so continuing might scare you, or me, who knows.

So here is a taste of who I am. If you don't like it, well stick around it gets much worse. And if you did you're probably drunk and for that I give you kudos! Now I have to go get ready for this small little hurricane that's approaching, don't worry I have all the essentials ready: food for the kids and vodka for me! Here's to a hurricane party weekend folks!


P.S.

Since its Follow Friday here are a few blogs I stalk love.

http://www.theblogess.com/

http://www.snarkmistress.com/

http://4theluvofwriting.blogspot.com/

http://www.imgonnakillhim.com/

http://twistedfate-rockinmama.blogspot.com/

http://workingmommyof1.blogspot.com/

http://www.dramafilledmama.com/

http://thisiswhyihateu.com/

See a pattern? Enjoy!

Reasons I make a horrible wife ..

Yesterday in a heated debate, scheduled fight,  over scrub brushes and which ones work better (yes that actually happens in my home) I started thinking, mostly because I was tuning my husband out, of the various reasons I am not a good wife and lucky for me my husband has ADHD and hasn't picked up on any of these traits in me, hence why he won't/can't leave.

1. I hate to cuddle. Not because I don't like affection but mostly because I think cuddling is way to figure how hard you can squeeze a person before ultimately killing them. Plus I picture him having his arms around me just to lay that white towel of chloroform over my mouth and nose.

2. I hate to cook. Not that I actually hate to cook, but cooking reminds me of this one horrible childhood memory of when I was "sauteing" apple (don't ask) which lead to  my moms recipe book catching on fire which lead to the back wall on fire, which leads me to a bigger question as to why my mother had a recipe book behind the burners of a stove anyway. Anyway. I hate to cook.

3. I don't clean. I mean I clean but not really. I have good intentions to start but then I just end up on the couch watching t.v. or playing with the kids. Besides I watch my sisters cleaning their homes all the time, and it really doesn't look like fun, and I like fun things.

4. I never let him have the last word. Does this really need explaining? No, really does it? Stop it.

5. I never say I love you. Well I do, but not when hanging up the phone. He tries but then I just hang up because I feel that we run the risk of looking like two whipped 30 something year old's trying to recapture our youth, I mean I am still youthful but seriously people, who wants to hear me go on and on about how much I love my husband when we both know the conversation is either about who will pick up milk or baby poop. There is no I love you after baby poop, unless he cleaned it, then yes honey, I love you.

6. I don't let him talk about "the glory days". Okay, my husband went to private school and was high most of the time, which you would think in theory would be hilarious, but he never seems to remember exactly what happened which leads to a ton of long pauses in his story which results from me tuning him out and thinking about ways to leave the room without making him to mad.

See there you have it. Well not all of it. I feel like if I go on, he will have hard proof to show a judge one day of why he should get alimony and payment for "distress" and I can't have that, I mean, who would clean the baby poop then? Certainly not me.

And the winner is ..

First off THANK YOU to everyone who entered my Spa 4 Ma give away! This was such a fun experience and I can not wait to be apart of it again!

Now onto the WINNER!

Congrats Helen! You are our lucky winner! Please email me at divamommy09 @ aol . com to claim your prize!!!!!

Keep coming back, we have paired up with some amazing companies in the next few weeks for even more amazing giveaways!